I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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