it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
