i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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