Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
