I think my fart just growled at me.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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