Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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