Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
