Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
