i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
