So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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