He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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