the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
