Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
