Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
