He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
