i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Even my vagina gasped.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
