the new term for farting is butt boxing.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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