I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
