winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
The struggles of a small town man whore
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
