Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
