i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
whose parrot is this?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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