Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
