if i can run in heels then i can drive
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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