at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
