his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
