i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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