found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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