Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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