he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
