I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
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