if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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