a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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