I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
