He kissed a someone with a penis
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
