Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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