Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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