Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
well you can't waste a boner
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
