Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
