ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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