i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
