I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
