Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
