During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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