M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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