All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Tell her she can't have a vagina
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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