To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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