I just made out with a guy for $7.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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