ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
