so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Randomize
