Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
