She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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