He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
