I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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