so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
