did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize