He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
