Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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