things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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