she was so not down for the gang bang
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
