Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
