she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
