i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
