His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
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He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
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Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize