Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
