so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize