whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
