3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
