I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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