Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
