toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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