In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
