everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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