fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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