I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
lets start a swedish sibling band together
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
