I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
