3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Randomize
