I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
