i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
