WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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