Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
