shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
