My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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