my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
