you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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