Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
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