We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
