YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
